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The five things that are annoying me about The London Olympics:

The athlete’s survival kit for one day.

1# The Australian and American attitude towards silver.

What’s wrong with silver? Is it not a noble metal? Doesn’t every cloud have a silver lining? Surely second best is acceptable?

Awwww diddums, did somebody steal your blankie?

Apparently not when you have spent the GDP of a small country in training your ELITE athletes to perform at the highest level for four years. I reckon our representatives have been performing at the highest levels of self destruction and then self flagellation. I reckon they were all expecting to win gold and subsequently win lucrative sponsorship deals which would set them up for life. I also reckon they should start paying back the money spent on their training-that comes out of my taxes-before they go buying big block mansions on the Gold Coast.

Australia punches well above its weight in international sports and expects to do so. We have to be good at something but we shouldn’t expect to be good at everything.

2# The attitude of Channel 9

Why, when Channel 9 have two digital channels devoted to Olympic coverage, are they duplicating their coverage on both channels? This is just stupid but probably sounds like a brainwave to the programmers if you take into account their terrible track record of scheduling quality shows at times that nobody can remember or keep track of.

Sports fans have taken to live streaming the coverage from other national broadcasters, via some internet manipulation, so that they don’t have to watch non stop doggy paddling and repetitious jingoistic tripe that is wheeled out for our consumption.  This surely is the final nail in the coffin for terrestrial television. Although there have been quite few but it would appear that the average goggle box watcher isn’t getting any smarter.

3# The blanket advertising and overzealous policing of rights by the authorities.

Will drinking c(l)oke and eating McD(r)onalds help you become an Olympic athlete? I doubt it unless they happen to own the pharmaceutical companies and are enhancing their products with ingredients x, y and z. If anything, having anything to do with these brands is likely to seriously jeopardise any athletic dreams that you might have.

Perhaps they should sponsor the obese Olympics. That would be something that Australia and the U.S. of A. could dominate without any effort.

What’s wrong with the local baker making an Olympic bagel or the local butcher knocking up some celebratory snags in five ring form? Absolutely nothing unless of course you bring the lawyers into the equation.

4#  The insultingly abrasive patriotism of some countries.

We all know who they are it just seems that they think we have forgotten. Nobody has a right to win every swimming medal or cycling race they contest. Don’t be counting chickens…

Even The Count wouldn’t be so silly.

5# The Six Billion Dollar man.

If you are not officially allowed take performance enhancing drugs then why are you allowed to have springs tacked onto your legs? This is just plain stupid. I think we need the Robo-Chemo-HiFi equivalent of the Olympics to kick in on alternative years or in between years.

This is not what the Gods of Olympus had in mind.

How long before some retard chops off his right arm-possibly to engage in procreation with a member of the opposite sex-and then decides to weld on the forearm of Maximus Prime just so he can win the javelin/shot put etc.?

What the Gods originally had in mind: In their own image.