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Having recently seen Ryan Gosling’s latest visually expressive tour de force on the big screen I couldn’t help myself but see if I could come up with something of the same ilk and instead of having three totally different and apparently unrelated acts I’d have just one scene because that’s all the time Ryan needs to nail it.

Ryan really does remind me of a taciturn, and albeit better looking, Roger Moore without the cheesy lines. It’s only a matter of time before his career hits a mirror and he starts drinking shaken martinis and wearing tuxedos.

ryang

Anyway, here’s the first and final scene from my new much anticipated screenplay for A Place Beyond the Stars: A high octane di-lithium-crystal fuelled adventure story of love, mechanical failure, chemical addiction and subdued facial expressions among the solarverse.

Trust me, this has already been optioned by the Weinsteins!

1. EXT. EVENING. 10th DIMENSION/SPACE                                             1.

CHAD SCHITT guides his sub-neutrino powered dimension ship through the asteroid belt with consummate skill. Lesser beings would have to think about it. Chad pulls a few fancy moves by loop de looping and doing a few rolls in and around the asteroids while towing the 50 gigazillion units of freshly robbed loot behind him. Chad looks through his perpetually handsome reflection in the glass and stares knowingly at the unknown solarverse beyond.

CHAD SCHITT

(Looking intently) 

Mmmmmmmm………

Chad’s onboard computer, BUCKY, runs a few diagnostics as heaps of control panel lights start flashing.

BUCKY

(voiced by Russell Crowe)

Excuse me Chad but we have a problem. It would appear that the Einstein a Go-Go drive is hyper self-medicating. 

Chad looks at the flashing instrument panel then looks off into the murky space distance.

CHAD

Mmmmmm………..

BUCKY

Chad, if you don’t do something quick we’s gonna be all kinds of space dust. The Einstein a Go-Go drive needs more uppers and less downers. It’s making up for your lack of emotional interaction.

Chad glances at his watch, then at the tattoo of his most recent lover on his forearm. There are several other names crossed out. He lights a Neptune cigarette with his space edition Zippo, takes  three deep pulls and then blows a series of super cool Uranus like smoke rings. His eyes look sleepy and cute.

CHAD

(Now with smouldering cocktail fag hanging out the side of his non expressive mouth)

Mmmmmmmmmmm……..good tobacco.

The sub neutrino dimension drive misses a beat, the ship vibrates violently and gets tossed around like a squid salad in a high end bistro. Chad calmly pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and moves it to the other side. Smiles briefly, places his hand back on his large throbbing joystick then stares into the murky space distance. He sees his reflection in the cockpit window and admires his new hair cut; blonde highlights radiate out from his luxurious chestnut coloured tresses. It’s his favourite ‘Huckleberry Finn’ style cut.

BUCKY

Chad, you must do something, give me something now. The Einstein a Go-Go drive is self medicating with liquid LSD-25. It’s looking for extra Gosling stimulation.

CHAD

Mmmmmmmmmmm….mmmmmm

Chad holds his joystick with the steely determination that he is known for to get the job done. Either that or he is thinking about all the girls, babies and cool jackets he’s left around the solarverse. Anyway, Chad looks off into the distance and continues to grip his joystick fervently. His eyes look sleepy and aroused.

BUCKY

(agitated)

Chad, you’re gonna kill us all unless you give us some emotion. The Go-Go drive is sourcing DMT from the back-up reserves. Say something damn you!

Chad looks at the control panel and Bucky’s visual display. Chad turns off the panel and stubs his fag out on Bucky’s erotically pulsing red display light.

CHAD

(mumbling, barely audible)

That good enough for ya?

A sudden clank and something falls off the ship. The Go-Go drive has had enough. Chad raises an eyebrow while looking off into the starry distance on his right. Chad lights another fag and puts the drive into top gear. The drive chugs and spurts before powering up and emitting one last blast of raw 10th dimensional space power. His eyes look like his eyes only more so.

BUCKY

Oh fuck you Chad. I’m outta here. Permission to deboot?

Chad looks sideways at Bucky’s panel, raises an eyebrow, lowers the corner of his mouth, takes a pull on his purple Sobranie cigarette, winks his left eye then puts on his retro inter-dimensional aviator glasses to cover his ‘come to bed’ eyes and the shame festering therein.

CHAD

(showing all the pain in the world and the long dormant volcanic love for his recent paramour on his face)

Mmmmmmm……..

FADE TO SOMETHING RESEMBLING BLACK.

sobranie

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