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Oh no, they’re at it again.

Those paranoid lap-dogs of the dying empire, the Poms(derived from seedy pomegranates) have detained the partner of a journalist closely aligned to Edward Snowden(Snowy). The poor international traveller in question is the delightfully monikered Brazilian, David Miranda(Carmen Miranda). Remember her legendary performance in 1943’s The Gang’s All Here?

That fruity hat looks mighty suspicious.

That fruity hat looks mighty suspicious.

In the old days it would not come as such a surprise to hear of a homosexual being detained under some arcane redneck law and we would have all tut-tutted and lined up the topic for mid morning tea break fodder. However, now all one must do is be the partner of a whistleblower enabling journalist to come a cropper of the authorities.

Poor David was detained at London’s Heathrow airport by the Poms for questioning under schedule 77 of the terrorism act of 2000. He was held for 9 hours without legal or consular assistance and if it had not been for the assistance of a mysterious security official(Deepthroat?) who placed a call to his partner, the sinister and Loquacious Glenn Greenwald(LGG), he might well have disappeared into the great labyrinthine maze that is Heathrow airport never to be heard from again.

To add insult to injury they confiscated all his electronic devices. How is the poor feller to survive the flight to Rio without Angry Birds?

Darth Bird ain't happy, he's angry!

Darth Bird ain’t happy, he’s angry!

Apparently he was on route to Brazil from Berlin, Germany where he had been meeting the firebrand documentary film maker Laura Poitras(Little Miss Trouble). I’m sure he also visited Checkpoint Charlie, The Brandenburg Gate where he admired the neoclassical triumphal arch and mingled with hipsters in downtown Berlin but that is not the issue.

His cafe mate, Little Miss Trouble, has been holding an uncomplimentary mirror up to the reptilian faces of the Orwellian Bovver Boys for all to see for a decade or so. They don’t mind what they see, it’s what everybody else sees that is there problem. Her much awarded documentaries have been less than complimentary of their business and military practices.

I can only imagine that they suspected Carmen Miranda of carry a whole treasure trove of confidential documents on a USB stick in his fruit bowl head dress that Snowy had liberated from the archives of the NSA and passed on to his boyfriend(remember the sinister LGG) and Little Miss Trouble(LMT).

Isn't she adorable?

Isn’t she adorable?

He was interrogated as to the nature of his contact with LMT by officers no doubt working under the auspices of GCHQ which I can only surmise is an acronym for Grand Chapter for the Harassment of Quislings(let’s stick with GCHQ).

Now, it would be perfectly logical to assume that the National Security Agency(NSA) were pulling the strings on the stage populated by the Pomegranate Puppets and in fact I would go so far as to say that the NSA really stands for No Strings Attached, hush-hush it’s top secret!

Screen Shot 2013-08-19 at 1.07.48 PM

I mean seriously give me a minute to explain. They would like to read your mail, bug your phone, follow you, harass you, strip search you, probe you and eventually fuck you over with No Strings Attached. I can’t believe I didn’t spot it sooner!

As we all know Carmen Miranda is Brazilian and The Grand Viziers of the dying empire of the United States of Behemoth(USB) seem intent on pissing off their South American neighbours one country at a time, which is a slight departure from their usual modus operandi of subtle financial invasion and the subsequent insertion of an obsequious hand picked despot into the nation’s suspiciously vacant stateroom.

Where this will end is anybody’s guess but it has the legs to be made into the next big sequel producing Hollywood franchise. With or without USB approval. I wait with pavlovian anticipation for the expectant international outcry and Vladimir Putin’s(Vlad The Regaler) pithy opinion on this whole nasty barnacle of a debacle.

Biggus Dickus!

Biggus Dickus!

Stay tuned for the continuing adventures of Snowy, this can only get better.